Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
