You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
