best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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