I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
