You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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