Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
