why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
