I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
