Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
