I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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