On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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