i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
