I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
