Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He? As in you personified your dick?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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