I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
