omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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