walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
