I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
