Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
