never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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