In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
