My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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