I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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