Cold hands, warm shart.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
