Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
