OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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