is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
