they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
