Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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