whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
