I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
