i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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