I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
