Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost the right to judge tonight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
