you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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