I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
