i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
