a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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