watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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