The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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