im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They have beer where we have blood.
i now understand why vodka
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
