if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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