I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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