Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
