u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
