I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
