Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
