she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
