new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
