dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
