this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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