Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
