Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
