I cannot find my penis.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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