We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Even my vagina gasped.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
