names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
